you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just found puke in my bra..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
