i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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