Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
