Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
