do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
