If that was your dad, he is hot
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
