Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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