It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
