Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
