the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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