You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
