someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
