I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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