weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
