i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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