drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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