FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
