I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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