Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
