im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
