Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
