Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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