We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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