I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
