I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
