Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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