thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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