We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
