remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize