imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
