I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
