apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
