in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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