Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
