So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I pour the whiskey from now on
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
