the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
