Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
