i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize