Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
