The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
