If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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