So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
