They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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