Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
