Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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