I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
