I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
