would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
