Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
