i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
