i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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