this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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