You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
