never play flip cup with pint glasses
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize