Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
