I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
