just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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