Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
