Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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