I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
