I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
