This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
