the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
