Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
