Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
