He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
