My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
