Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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