im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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