Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
