just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
